Hey there! Today I’m going to talk about something that no one like to talk about, loss. By loss, I mean the loss of a family member, or someone close to you.
This post comes about because I just recently lost my dad. It’s something my family knew was coming, but still something you can never prepare for. With that being said, the loss of a loved one leaves a very big and emotional hole that can sometimes seem impossible to overcome.
I also want to preface this with the fact that I am not a medical professional and this post should not be taken as medical advice. I just want to use my experience to help others navigate a difficult journey.
Let it out
One thing that many people, especially men in our lives, believe is that we had to hide our sadness. That is absolutely not true. It’s okay to cry, it’s actually healthy to cry. Holding in emotions leads to pent up sadness, that leads to the straw that breaks the camels back. By that, I mean that after holding it in for so long, the smallest, insignificant thing that goes wrong will crack your emotional wall and allow the sadness to just burst out. Crying does not show weakness, it shows human emotion that we all have.
Accept your friends’ help
Now, this can be difficult for some people (ME). So many want to show that they’re okay and that they are strong and don’t need any help. Well, accepting help from others does not mean that you’re weak. It means that you have people that want to help you because what you’re going through is an extraordinary circumstance and they want to be by your side. If someone wants to bring you meals, let them. You will quickly realize how exhausting it is to make arrangements and just deal with your sadness, that you won’t want to cook. So not having to worry about it, is a great help.
Talk to someone when you need to
I know that people don’t want to bother their friends with their grief, that is understandable. But, your closest friends, the ones that are bringing you food and checking in on you, want you to reach out to them. We are currently in a society that is very hush-hush about when someone is struggling with anything, not just loss. If you’re struggling, reach out to your friends, and if they ask how you’re doing and you’re not doing well then tell them! They care about you. You’re not a burden.
Seek professional help when warranted
There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help. We love our friends, but sometimes they don’t know the words to say, and sometimes you may need some medication to help you. You are not weak because you may need to take medication for your mental health. There’s nothing wrong with taking medication for any other illness, so don’t beat yourself up over it. If you do seek professional help, make sure you find the doctor that is right for you, not every doctor is the same. Also, if you’ve already started with someone and you feel like you’re not getting what you need from them, then speak up or find a new one. You’re paying for the doctor to make sure you’re getting what you need, so advocate for yourself.
Start a journal
Sometimes, we don’t want to talk to someone but we have feelings that we need to get out. Writing them down is a good way to let out your emotions without having to reach out to someone. Journals can also be good to track the progress of your emotions through the grieving process. There will be good days and bad days.
Know you’re not alone, but your experience is unique to you and is valid
Everyone loses a loved one in their life, that is a given. So there are probably people in your circle that could have been where you’re at. But here’s the thing, everyone grieves differently. Some come to terms with it quicker than others, and some do some things that you might find weird. Just because your process looks different than some of your family members’ or some of your friends’, doesn’t mean your experience isn’t valid.
You will get through it
I know it seems like your world is falling to pieces, and it’s okay to feel that. Just know that you will come through the process, you won’t be the same, but you will be you. There will always be a hole in your heart, but as time goes on, the good days will start to outweigh the bad again. The good memories will help you celebrate the person you lost, instead of mourning them. They wouldn’t want you to be sad for them, and you won’t be sad forever. You will make it through the sadness.
Don’t rush the process
I know it seems like “oh I have to get over this and get back to my life”, that’s not true. Don’t feel like, or let someone make you feel like, you have to just get over it as soon as possible. Like I said earlier, everyone is different and that means everyone will take their own time to get through the grieving process. Don’t rush through it, take your time and take care of yourself.
Have you lost someone? What’s your advice for someone? Let me know in the comments!